On Humor:

“If you don’t want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: Pour a little Lavoris in the toilet.”

“The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn’t for any religious reasons. They couldn’t find three wise men and a virgin.”

“You can’t stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh.”

On Success:

“If I have one advantage, it’s that I will try to work harder than the next guy.”