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On Weight Loss: Does Drinking Iced or Chilled Water Help?

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One question I’m commonly asked by clients is whether drinking iced or chilled water can aid in weight loss.  The short answer to the question is yes, but let’s take a look at how this all works.
Let me begin by saying that I’m a big advocate of nutritional guidelines that suggest eight servings of eight ounces of water per day is best for most individuals.  Our bodies’ metabolic and physiological processes are dependant on adequate water intake to be at their peak of efficiency.  And all the clients I’ve worked with who follow the guidelines for a total of 64 ounces per day do better at reducing and keeping their body fat levels lower.
Now lets look at how that cold water comes into play in weight loss.  I’ll spare you the mathematics involved in determining how many extra calories are involved, but I’ll summarize by saying that one eight ounce glass of iced water utilizes about 8.75 extra calories to bring it up to your body temperature.  If you are curious and want to see how this is determined, I suggest you check out this site.
If you are drinking the suggested 64 ounces per day of water, and and you choose to drink it iced, you will expend approximately 70 calories daily to bring it to core temperature.  That may not sound like a lot, but let’s take a look over the long haul.  That’s 350 more calories per week, or 3,500 calories in 10 weeks, or 18,200 calories per year!  I purposely mentioned 10 weeks since the 3,500 calories is equivalent to one pound of body fat.  And carrying that further, that would equate to 5.2 pounds of body fat in a year!
So, in answer to the question, I highly recommend following the nutritional guidelines for daily water intake as part of your healthy and fit lifestyle.  And consider chilling or icing it to maximize your fat-fighting efforts.
Rick

On Achievement

Napoleon Hill’s 17 Principles of Personal Achievement

“Whatever the mind can conceive and believe, the mind can achieve.”

Lesson 1: Definiteness of Purpose
Definiteness of purpose is the starting point of all achievement. Without a purpose and a plan, people drift aimlessly through life.

Lesson 2: Mastermind Alliance
The Mastermind principle consists of an alliance of two or more minds working in perfect harmony for the attainment of a common definite objective. Success does not come without the cooperation of others.

Lesson 3: Applied Faith
Faith is a state of mind through which your aims, desires, plans and purposes may be translated into their physical or financial equivalent.

Lesson 4: Going the Extra Mile
Going the extra mile is the action of rendering more and better service than that for which you are presently paid. When you go the extra mile, the Law of Compensation comes into play.

Lesson 5: Pleasing Personality
Personality is the sum total of one’s mental, spiritual and physical traits and habits that distinguish one from all others. It is the factor that determines whether one is liked or disliked by others.

Lesson 6: Personal Initiative
Personal initiative is the power that inspires the completion of that which one begins. It is the power that starts all action. No person is free until he learns to do his own thinking and gains the courage to act on his own.

Lesson 7: Positive Mental Attitude
Positive mental attitude is the right mental attitude in all circumstances. Success attracts more success while failure attracts more failure.

Lesson 8: Enthusiasm
Enthusiasm is faith in action. It is the intense emotion known as burning desire. It comes from within, although it radiates outwardly in the expression of one’s voice and countenance.

Lesson 9: Self-Discipline
Self-discipline begins with the mastery of thought. If you do not control your thoughts, you cannot control your needs. Self-discipline calls for a balancing of the emotions of your heart with the reasoning faculty of your head.

Lesson 10: Accurate Thinking
The power of thought is the most dangerous or the most beneficial power available to man, depending on how it is used.

Lesson 11: Controlled Attention
Controlled attention leads to mastery in any type of human endeavor, because it enables one to focus the powers of his mind upon the attainment of a definite objective and to keep it so directed at will.

Lesson 12: Teamwork
Teamwork is harmonious cooperation that is willing, voluntary and free. Whenever the spirit of teamwork is the dominating influence in business or industry, success is inevitable. Harmonious cooperation is a priceless asset that you can acquire in proportion to your giving.

Lesson 13: Adversity & Defeat
Individual success usually is in exact proportion of the scope of the defeat the individual has experienced and mastered. Many so-called failures represent only a temporary defeat that may prove to be a blessing in disguise.

Lesson 14: Creative Vision
Creative vision is developed by the free and fearless use of one’s imagination. It is not a miraculous quality with which one is gifted or is not gifted at birth.

Lesson 15: Health
Sound health begins with a sound health consciousness, just as financial success begins with a prosperity consciousness.

Lesson 16: Budgeting Time & Money
Time and money are precious resources, and few people striving for success ever believe they possess either one in excess.

Lesson 17: Habits
Developing and establishing positive habits leads to peace of mind, health and financial security. You are where you are because of your established habits and thoughts and deeds.

On Confidence

9 Qualities Of Truly Confident People

Dharmesh Shah

Founder and CTO at HubSpot

First things first: Confidence is not bravado, or swagger, or an overt pretense of bravery. Confidence is not some bold or brash air of self-belief directed at others.

Confidence is quiet: It’s a natural expression of ability, expertise, and self-regard.

I’m fortunate to know a number of truly confident people. Many work with me at HubSpot, others are fellow founders of their own startups some of whom I’ve met through my angel investment activity. But the majority are people I’ve met through my career and who work in a variety of industries and professions.

It comes as no surprise they all share a number of qualities:

1. They take a stand not because they think they are always right… but because they are not afraid to be wrong.

Cocky and conceited people tend to take a position and then proclaim, bluster, and totally disregard differing opinions or points of view. They know they’re right – and they want (actually they need) you to know it too.

Their behavior isn’t a sign of confidence, though; it’s the hallmark of an intellectual bully.

Truly confident people don’t mind being proven wrong. They feel finding out what is right is a lot more important than being right. And when they’re wrong, they’re secure enough to back down graciously.

Truly confident people often admit they’re wrong or don’t have all the answers; intellectual bullies never do.

2. They listen ten times more than they speak.

Bragging is a mask for insecurity. Truly confident people are quiet and unassuming. They already know what they think; they want to know what you think.

So they ask open-ended questions that give other people the freedom to be thoughtful and introspective: They ask what you do, how you do it, what you like about it, what you learned from it… and what they should do if they find themselves in a similar situation.

Truly confident people realize they know a lot, but they wish they knew more… and they know the only way to learn more is to listen more.

3. They duck the spotlight so it shines on others.

Perhaps it’s true they did the bulk of the work. Perhaps they really did overcome the major obstacles. Perhaps it’s true they turned a collection of disparate individuals into an incredibly high performance team.

Truly confident people don’t care – at least they don’t show it. (Inside they’re proud, as well they should be.) Truly confident people don’t need the glory; they know what they’ve achieved.

They don’t need the validation of others, because true validation comes from within.

So they stand back and celebrate their accomplishments through others. They stand back and let others shine – a confidence boost that helps those people become truly confident, too.

4. They freely ask for help.

Many people feel asking for help is a sign of weakness; implicit in the request is a lack of knowledge, skill, or experience.

Confident people are secure enough to admit a weakness. So they often ask others for help, not only because they are secure enough to admit they need help but also because they know that when they seek help they pay the person they ask a huge compliment.

Saying, “Can you help me?” shows tremendous respect for that individual’s expertise and judgment. Otherwise you wouldn’t ask.

5. They think, “Why not me?”

Many people feel they have to wait: To be promoted, to be hired, to be selected, to be chosen… like the old Hollywood cliché, to somehow be discovered.

Truly confident people know that access is almost universal. They can connect with almost anyone through social media. (Everyone you know knows someone you should know.) They know they can attract their own funding, create their own products, build their own relationships and networks, choose their own path – they can choose to follow whatever course they wish.

And very quietly, without calling attention to themselves, they go out and do it.

6. They don’t put down other people.

Generally speaking, the people who like to gossip, who like to speak badly of others, do so because they hope by comparison to make themselves look better.

The only comparison a truly confident person makes is to the person she was yesterday – and to the person she hopes to someday become.

7. They aren’t afraid to look silly…

Running around in your underwear is certainly taking it to extremes… but when you’re truly confident, you don’t mind occasionally being in a situation where you aren’t at your best.

(And oddly enough, people tend to respect you more when you do – not less.)

8. … And they own their mistakes.

Insecurity tends to breed artificiality; confidence breeds sincerity and honesty.

That’s why truly confident people admit their mistakes. They dine out on their screw-ups. They don’t mind serving as a cautionary tale. They don’t mind being a source of laughter – for others and for themselves.

When you’re truly confident, you don’t mind occasionally “looking bad.” You realize that that when you’re genuine and unpretentious, people don’t laugh at you.

They laugh with you.

9. They only seek approval from the people who really matter.

You say you have 10k Twitter followers? Swell. 20k Facebook friends? Cool. A professional and social network of hundreds or even thousands? That’s great.

But that also pales in comparison to earning the trust and respect of the few people in your life that truly matter.

When we earn their trust and respect, no matter where we go or what we try, we do it with true confidence – because we know the people who truly matter the most are truly behind us.

On Success

If You Want To Be Successful, Listen To the Doctor. Dr Seuss. Four Seussisms for Success

Paul B. Brown, Forbes Contributor

Here’s more than you need to know about me. I took a lot of acting courses in college.

And I was, to be kind, truly, truly awful.  That isn’t false humility, unfortunately. It is just a fact. The desire was there. But, unfortunately, not the talent.

However, it wasn’t a total loss.  One of the things you constantly have to do for acting class is come up with new material to do.  And totally by accident I found myself performing Dr. Seuss whenever I needed a good grade.  The writing is wonderful. He is fairly easy to memorize and if I got the audience laughing they had a tendency to forget that I wasn’t very good as an actor.

One of the many intriguing things about Dr. Seuss, nee Theodore Seuss Geisel (1904-1991), is that he wrote, in different ways, about how to be successful.

Here are four of my favorites. 

1.  You have brains in your head

You have brains in your head.

You have feet in your shoes.

You can steer yourself in any direction you choose.

–Oh, the Places You’ll Go

2.  You have to be Smart

You have to be smart

and keep watching their feet.

Because sometimes they stand

on their tiptoes and cheat.

–Happy Birthday to You

3.  I was following a Nowhere Hunch

I was following a Nowhere Hunch, a real dumb thing to do!

Everybody sometimes does it.

Even me. Even you.

Oh, you get so many hunches

that you don’t know ever quite

if the right hunch is the wrong hunch

Then the wrong hunch might be right.

–Hunches in Bunches

 4.  The Places I Hiked to

The places I hiked to!

The roads that I rambled to find the best eggs that have ever been scrambled!

If you want to get eggs you can’t buy at a store,

You have to do things never thought of before.

–Scrambled Eggs Super!

 It seems only fitting that I give Dr. Seuss the last word.

“There are so many things that you really should know

And that’s why I’m bothering telling you so.”

–Oh Say Can You Say

On Change

Lean In

by Mel Robbins

One little choice can change your life.

Seth’s life was a mess. After marrying a woman he didn’t love, he was divorced before he was 30. He’d lost half his friends and half his money. He hated the guy he’d become, and he felt like he was going nowhere. Without a clue as to how to tackle the huge problems that tormented him, he decided he would begin to change his screwed-up life by coping with a single problem.

Seth had always been afraid of heights. Sitting on a barstool practically gave him vertigo. So he resolved to break out of that fear by doing something he never thought he could. He decided to go skydiving. That’s how he found himself wearing a blue jumpsuit, sitting on the floor of a little plane that sounded like it was powered by a rubber band. This is the stupidest idea I’ve ever had. I can’t do this. I should just go home, he thought. If he hadn’t been strapped to the instructor, he would have called it quits.

When the doors slid open and it was time to act, Seth froze. “The $275 is for the ride up. The ride down is free,” the instructor said. “If you are going to do this, now is the time.”

Seth didn’t feel like jumping. He was scared to death. But with the wind whipping all around him, he wondered, What would I be going home to? The only things waiting for him at home were Chinese takeout and a job he didn’t want to go to on Monday morning. Did he really want to be that guy anymore? The guy who let fear and regret rule his life?

So he closed his eyes, adjusted his goggles, eased to the edge of the open plane door and shifted his weight. He didn’t leap from the plane like an action hero. He just leaned in to the open sky—to the chance that something might shift in his life—and let gravity do the rest. And with that tiny action, he stopped being the guy who was too scared to handle a risk, who never did anything interesting, who let his failures define him. He became someone else, someone whose life wasn’t over but was just beginning.

Leaning in to that open sky gave Seth a wild ride and one hell of a stomachache. But that choice to lean in, that small shift in weight and change in direction, changed his life forever because it put him in motion. That is what leaning in is all about: taking the small action that will let your momentum take over and carry you forward.

You think you have to figure it all out before you take a step. Instead, lean in. Send that email. Pick up the phone. Sign up for that class. Commit and do it. What matters is that you push through your feelings and start moving. Take action and lean toward what you want without regard for how it will look or turn out.

You don’t need to take a massive leap. All you need to do is lean in and see what happens next. Make that tiny push, and then let gravity pull you through.

On “First Day” Focus

The Time Is Now

by Les Brown

In every day, there are 1,440 minutes. That means we have 1,440 daily opportunities to make a positive impact. Unfortunately, far too many people are allowing those opportunities to slip away without ever noticing them. Why? Because they either burn out, reach a plateau or find themselves stuck in a rut. Before they know it, minutes have turned into hours, hours into days, days into months, and months into years of lost chances. I call it “The Curse of the Comfort Zone.” It sounds like the title of a horror movie, but it’s a real-life epidemic that’s keeping many people from rising to greatness. Fortunately, there are solutions that will help you crown every day with that “first day” freshness, enthusiasm and determination.

Just for a moment, think back on some of the finest “first days” you’ve had in life; your first day on any job, at a new school, in a budding relationship. You could feel that adrenaline rush as you surveyed new opportunities and savored every magical moment. Your passion was to be the best and brightest and you made every effort to remember key details. You looked for opportunities to shine and be innovative. Unfortunately, as time passed, you may have lost some of your jump-start enthusiasm. Boredom replaced energy; clutter replaced fresh ideas and humdrum routines replaced creativity. You went from having pep in your step to not wanting to get out of bed.

How do you rekindle and keep that “first day” focus and enthusiasm? Consider these solutions:

Remember, Every Day Is a Gift to You: The best gifts are those we not only cherish but put to use. Each day is a gift filled with opportunities to rise above fear, self-doubt and mediocrity to fulfill our purpose. Make each day count by setting specific goals to succeed, then putting forth every effort to exceed your own expectations.

Use the Power You Already Have: We were all born with a certain degree of power. The key to success is discovering this innate power and using it daily to deal with whatever challenges come our way. Don’t wait for others to open doors for you. People in the most-dire circumstances have found innovative ways to open doors to freedom, education and business success by creating their own force fields. Make a conscious effort to find your power source, use it to fuel your passion, and release the greatness within you.

Stay Alert: When you ignore new opportunities, you open the door to boredom, resulting in complacency and lack of growth. Open your eyes and see yourself as a go-getter with the power to turn “no” into a “yes.” Be determined to blaze trails that will take you where no one has gone before.

Determination Finds Many Ways to Succeed: Many people become discouraged when they encounter difficulty in reaching their goals. However, most highly successful people didn’t reach their goals without obstacles. Their golden achievements came only after having doors closed in their faces, dreams derailed by mistakes and setbacks, and naysayers constantly telling them they weren’t good enough. However, the difference between those who have won and those who have thrown up their hands in defeat is often in the level of persistence. In tough times, the winners have drawn on that incredible resolve every human being possesses and stood firm against the odds. If you encounter a roadblock, think of a dozen ways to get around it and take action. Remember, there’s more than one road to success.

Improve Yourself Constantly: As the global marketplace changes, we must stay abreast of what’s going on, and constantly improve our knowledge and skills to meet demands. Each day, make a commitment to be better, more knowledgeable, and more in touch than you were yesterday. Periodically enroll in classes or access self-help toolkits that will help you to improve yourself.

Actions for Today and Tomorrow: Going forward, here are three steps to take in the next 48 hours that will help you treat each day like your first day in business:  At the end of each day, keep a journal of your accomplishments for that day and the things you need to improve. Pat yourself on the back for your good points and make immediate plans to improve any weaknesses you note. This will help you to stay focused on your goals and what you need to do to reach them.


As you begin each workday, see yourself as a true champion. Visualize yourself speaking positively and confidently, walking or sitting with good posture, remembering names and details, and receiving praise and rewards for your efforts.

Keep a highly visible plaque, picture or inspiring quote in your workplace that reminds you of your purpose and why your work is important. It should be a visual so powerful that it will inspire you each time you see it. This reminder will help you to maintain that fresh “first day” focus as you press toward your goals.

On Success

5 Lessons from Han Solo

by Sam Watson

Life and business advice from your favorite ‘Star Wars’ smuggler

1.  Go with what you know.

“Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid.”

While there are times when you might want to branch out (like cutting open the belly of a Tauntaun with your buddy’s lightsaber), stick with your specialization or core businesses. The best you’ll ever be at a weakness is average, so find something you’re good at without even trying and then actually try. To remain well-rounded, pick people that specialize or have strengths in other areas to play those roles on your team.  

2.  You have to play to win.

“Never tell me the odds!”

In fact, the only odds you need to know are that you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. Don’t get hung up on someone else’s failures, or even your own past failures. Learn what you can from the mistakes and move on. 

3.  Trust your intuitions.

“I’ve got a bad feeling about this.”

Data and expert advice can only take you so far. Even the most seasoned entrepreneurs can strike out when their plans seemed foolproof. While it’s important to research and educate yourself beforehand, the most powerful tool is your gut. Trust your intuitions and don’t compromise on your values. 

4.  Know how to sell yourself and your product.

“Fast ship? You’ve never heard of the Millennium Falcon?”

Everyone, in one way or another, is selling something. Prepare two sets of elevator pitches— a brief one that’s two lines long and a more in-depth 30- second pitch— and know how to deliver both in a moment’s notice. Whether you’re a freelance consultant or the CEO of a vast company, you never know when a detailed grasp of your skills or products will come in handy.   

5.  Don’t pretend to be someone you aren’t.  Know your motivations.

“Look, I ain’t in this for your revolution, and I’m not in it for you, Princess. I expect to be well paid. I’m in it for the money.”

Perhaps the most refreshing quality about Han Solo was his straightforward honesty. And he was always bluntly honest about his motives, even when they weren’t as pure or idealistic as Luke Skywalker’s or Princess Leia’s heroic goals. Be honest with what drives you. Find out what your “why” is and make a mantra of it.

On Attitude

Take Control of Your Attitude

Jim Rohn

Your happiness is in your hands.

We all have tremendous potential. Each of us has the ability to put our unique human potential into action and to acquire a desired result. But the one thing that determines the level of our potential, produces the intensity of our activity and predicts the quality of the result we receive is our attitude.

Attitude determines how much of the future we are allowed to see. It decides the size of our dreams and influences our determination when we are faced with new challenges. No other person on earth has dominion over our attitude. People can affect our attitude by teaching us poor thinking habits or unintentionally misinforming us, or providing us with negative sources of influence, but no one can control our attitude unless we voluntarily surrender that control.

No one else “makes us angry.” We make ourselves angry when we surrender control of our attitude. What someone else may have done is irrelevant. We choose; not they. They merely put our attitude to a test. If we select a volatile attitude by becoming hostile, angry, jealous or suspicious, then we have failed the test. If we condemn ourselves by believing that we are unworthy, then again, we have failed the test.

If we care at all about ourselves, then we must accept full responsibility for our own feelings. We must learn to guard against those feelings that have the capacity to lead our attitude down the wrong path, and to strengthen those feelings that can lead us confidently into a better future.

If we want to receive the rewards the future holds in trust for us, then we must exercise the most important choice given to us as members of the human race by maintaining total dominion over our attitude. Our attitude is an asset, a treasure of great value that must be protected accordingly.

When you have the right attitude, you can do the remarkable.

When you recognize your gifts, you can change anything for yourself that you wish to change. If you don’t like how something is going for you, change it. If something isn’t enough, change it. If something doesn’t suit you; change it. If something doesn’t please you, change it. You don’t ever have to be the same after today. If you don’t like your present address, change it—you’re not a tree!

Having the right attitude is an essential prerequisite for success and happiness. The right attitude is one of the fundamentals of the good life. That is why we must constantly examine our feelings about our role in the world and about our possibilities for achieving our dreams.

It is our emotional nature that governs most of our daily conduct in our personal and business world. It is the emotional aspect of our experience that determines our behavior. How we feel about life’s events is a powerful force that can either freeze us in our tracks or inspire us to take immediate action on any given day. With the right attitude, human beings can move mountains. With the wrong attitude, they can be crushed by the smallest grain of sand.

On Focus

10 Favors You Can Do for Yourself Every Day

by Patti Johnson

We do get in our way sometimes, don’t we? Here are some simple gifts you can give yourself every day to keep you focused on what you can do:

  1. Control the tapes in your head. You are sabotaging yourself if your first reaction is how it’s someone else’s fault, how things never go your way or why your situation is tougher than everyone else’s. Our thoughts affect how we feel, which affects our actions. Self-discipline starts with your thoughts. Pack up the blame game. Be kind to yourself and be responsible for you. No one else has that much influence over your day.
  2. Own up to your multitasking. You know you can’t do this even though you think you can. If you are multitasking on important things with important people, it’s a losing proposition. I am pretty addicted to my phone. I admit it. My husband has mentioned a discussion we had and I somehow missed just a few little important details. But I did answer the pressing email! I am trying to lessen my phone dependence for Lent. I know. I’m working on it.
  3. Change one thing in your routine. In my blog on ideas for shaking up 2013, I mentioned the dependence we have on habit. Changing just one little thing can change how you think about your life, your work or your day. Come into the office early to have some quiet time to plan your day. Go to the Bible study you have had on your list for a year. Turn off the TV and take a walk. It doesn’t have to be big. Small changes remind us that we can do more than we think.
  4. Inspire yourself. I have been reading more and listening to inspiring podcasts in the car or on walks. This is like having a personal motivational speaker or renowned expert right there in the passenger seat! Why don’t we do this more often? This is a great way to learn more, focus on gratitude, and stay centered. I’m not a Pollyanna (though some may disagree), but seriously, if you only think about what is wrong, the changes you want to make will always seem too big.
  5. Spend 30 minutes connecting and reconnecting. A mentor once told me to spend 30 minutes every day staying in touch with my network and business friends.Don’t be the “guy” who asks to meet for coffee during the job search, never to be heard from again until the next job change. Make a call on your way to the office. Send an email. Show interest and concern if you want to have good relationships. Check how the new job is going, the bumpy relationship with the boss or share helpful information. Be willing to give without expecting anything in return.
  6. Don’t make everyone’s problem your problem. Your boss is having a bad day. The supplier doesn’t like the new product you designed. Your co-worker won’t share any credit. These situations can hit your emotions and change how you feel and interact with others. This is when the “What’s in my control?” question is great to ask. This is another way of saying, “Don’t give others the power over your day.”
  7. Do one thing toward your big goals. Most of us have a fast paced career or life and everything needs (or seems to need) immediate attention. If your goal is starting a business, but you have a full-time job, do one small thing every day that moves you closer toward being an entrepreneur. Set up a lunch for some advice. Do some research online. Work on your financial plan for getting started. Don’t let the fire hose of little things overtake your big things.
  8. Use the “Will it matter in 2 weeks?” test. Last week a team member was devastated over a mistake she made in communicating with a business contact and “felt sick to her stomach.” After talking about it, we concluded that she had apologized gracefully and it wouldn’t matter in two weeks. She let it go. We all have disappointments in our careers or make mistakes because we are human. We have to regroup and move on to the next option. I use this question often because it helps separate the passing frustrations from the big issues that need more attention.
  9. Call your mother. OK, yes, I’m a mother, so I’m slightly partial here, but I mean all of the important people in your life. After some recent losses, I am reminded that family and close friends aren’t always magically there. Don’t take these relationships for granted. Enjoy them! Call often! And, to my oldest son in college, texting me first is the next best thing.
  10. Don’t sleep with your phone. Make sure you get the mental break you need to clear your head and not be in constant contact. Even the hyper-connected benefit from time to relax and think on their own. I’m working on this myself. I am convinced that it’s a part of being more intentional, thoughtful and focused.

On Agreement

FROM SUCCESS

Two Little Words That Pack a Punch(line)

Melissa Balmain’s lessons from comedy improv

As usual, my 13-year-old is lounging with our cats at bedtime, ignoring my reminders to head upstairs. “Make me go,” he says with a grin—and for once I keep calm. “OK,” I say, lifting my hand above an imaginary object. “This is the eject button. When I push it, I can’t be responsible for what happens.” I push the button and, miracle of miracles, Davey rockets out of the room and up the stairs. He nearly breaks his neck and two vases on the way, and his laughter undoubtedly wakes his sister, but I’ll take it.

Chalk up another one to comedy improvisation, my favorite hobby. If you’ve seen or done comedy improv, you know it means inventing scenes on the spot, often based on audience suggestions. The main technique that keeps improv scenes afloat is called “Yes, and”: You accept whatever your fellow performer creates in the scene (Yes!) and build upon it (and…). Tina Fey illustrates the beauty of this in her book, Bossypants: “[If] we’re improvising and I say, ‘Freeze. I have a gun,’ and you say, ‘That’s not a gun. It’s your finger. You’re pointing your finger at me,’ our improvised scene has ground to a halt. But if I say, ‘Freeze. I have a gun!’ and you say, ‘The gun I gave you for Christmas! You bastard!’ then we have started a scene… ”

One of the best things about “yes, and” is how well it works offstage. During that bedtime face-off with my son, for instance, I said “yes” to his notion that I should make him go to bed; my “and” was the eject button.

Plenty of my improv friends—scientists, teachers, salesmen, cops—have had similar triumphs with kids and grownups alike. The secret, they agree, is that when you accept at least part of what someone offers you, whether it’s a gripe or a form in triplicate, he becomes more open to your ideas. My improv coach Jeff Andrews, a middle- and high-school reading specialist, says he often “yesses” students’ feelings such as boredom and annoyance. “My ‘and-ing’ usually ties in to the fact that their feelings are actually why they should do the work. ‘I see you think this is beneath you… and if we get this done fast, we can have proof that you already understand this and you shouldn’t have to do it again.’ ”

Improviser Greg Owens, who works for a paint company, believes “yes, and” is “one of the most empowering tools in sales.” Early in a transaction, he explains, people tend to name reasons they don’t want to buy your product. A salesman who stubbornly defends himself (“Well, that’s the best I can do”) will make customers dig in their heels, too. But if he uses “yes, and” instead, he’ll seem helpful and well-informed. “For instance, the customer says, ‘That paint’s too expensive.’ The sales rep comes back with, ‘It is pricier, yes. And what you’re going to find is it has better coverage and your cost per square foot is actually going to be cheaper.’ That little bit of agreement enables the sales rep to point out another feature and benefit instead of being shown the door.”

“Yes, and” isn’t just about getting people to do what you want, though; it also can make you more of who you want to be. “It’s allowed me to be a freer creative person in the process of collaborative work, whereas in the past I was much more controlling—‘yes, but’ was more my approach,” says my improv pal Annette Ramos, an actress and storyteller who has used “yes, and” while co-writing plays. At home, she says, it helps her be a better mother and wife. “Agreeing with my husband or with my teenager when they bring up a point allows them to feel validated, and the conversation continues at a higher level of communication, versus, ‘Yes, but I am gonna prove my point and you are gonna be wrong!’ ”

I tried to explain all this to my husband the other day, while we were out taking a walk. Bill, a professor of philosophy—a field that attracts “no, but” types the way lumberjacking attracts guys in plaid—quickly mounted objections. “Yes, and” would be a big mistake if you were talking to someone with dangerous or crazy ideas, he said; agreeing with a lunatic can’t help either of you. Very true, I said. “Yes, and” shouldn’t mean you agree with everyone all the time—just that you hear them, acknowledge their views, and build from there…

“Wait a second,” Bill said, squinting at me in midstride. “You’re doing it to me right now, aren’t you?”